'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
