Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
