I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
