rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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