We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This house was built for laser tag.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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