haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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