I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
