I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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