this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
did i just pee glitter
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
