I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
