i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
