Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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