Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Actions speak louder than pants.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
