I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sext me about skeletons
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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