when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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