No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you had me at cake vodka
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
