Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
