I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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