Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
