Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
