i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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