Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
