Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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