you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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