I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
