yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
