I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
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It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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