You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
