You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
