I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
