Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?

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(203): View more from Connecticut

You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.

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(925): View more from California

tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.

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(425): View more from Washington

Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.

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23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
Read it at the TFLN blog
(607): View more from New York

then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"

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(248): View more from Michigan

you lied. pity sex is amazing.

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(678): View more from Georgia

he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.

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(972): View more from Texas

I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities

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(802): View more from Vermont

Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.

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