My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome