So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.