I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
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Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS