AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
