why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
