Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
