Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
