I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
