All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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