I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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