just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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