I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
