All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
