You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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