mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
