i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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