I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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