Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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