Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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