Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
