Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
