My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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