I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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