Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
