It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
