You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
