the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's JV to your varsity
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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