There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
