i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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