I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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