I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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