The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had to cum in my sink.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
