apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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