im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
