boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
