Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I love you.
Bad choice
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