I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
