God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
