Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
