I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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