I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
