My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Banned from zoo.
Again?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
