We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
