My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
