I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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