I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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