I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
