dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
